Peonies & Butter Croissants

 I know my life is weird. I hang out with Jesus most of my life & my life looks kind of dull and loser-ish right now. But I hope to reign with KINGS JESUS during His 1000 year reign on Earth.  My kids aren't in my life right now and that is painful.

 I am writing to keep myself sane at this point today, because what I wrote yesterday - I really needed to read today. It's the end of the world & my main man is YESHUA. How that happened - Well over a course of 10-ish years we fell in love. Really for a long time I was in recovery from mental health issues but slowly i came back to myself. GOD showed up one day and told me prayers i had prayed a long time ago.  Then i prayed that the man I loved would be the only one attracted to me as I put on some anointing oil. I was overweight and I had struggled with mental health for a long time.  I am not sure it is a beautiful love story as I once thought - - But we are here now in love and committed to each other for now as we see how the future evolves before us.  I started talking to Christ again and HE showed up again. I don't know where HE was during the years I had mental health issues, but one day i realized HE was listening to me. And somehow we found a rhythm to...

Yesterday was my birthday. I am not acknowledging how old i really am because of so many setbacks I have had in my life due to spiritual warfare as i attempt to walk in my calling to be a wife to THE LORD YESHUA/ISHU. I know that might sound strange, but we are working to have a long-term viable relationship together forever - - - well HE can imagine forever and I cannot, so we are working together to build a life. It's hard work & so many things have come against me. He is really hard on me sometimes. At any rate, I am rebuilding my life again - - - and I am not sure of my future. I hope to be with THE LORD as my husband, but we are working on coming clean about our history and HIS history and it is hard to deal with - - - it's hard being THE LORD'S wife. He is really complicated. At any rate,  I am pretending that I am 17 & i have my whole life ahead of me becase there is a long time for me to live since i know i will be with THE LORD. Pretending I am 17 helps me ...