Living like I am 17 & Other thoughts

Yesterday was my birthday. I am not acknowledging how old i really am because of so many setbacks I have had in my life due to spiritual warfare as i attempt to walk in my calling to be a wife to THE LORD YESHUA/ISHU. I know that might sound strange, but we are working to have a long-term viable relationship together forever - - - well HE can imagine forever and I cannot, so we are working together to build a life.

It's hard work & so many things have come against me. He is really hard on me sometimes. At any rate, I am rebuilding my life again - - - and I am not sure of my future. I hope to be with THE LORD as my husband, but we are working on coming clean about our history and HIS history and it is hard to deal with - - - it's hard being THE LORD'S wife. He is really complicated. At any rate, 

I am pretending that I am 17 & i have my whole life ahead of me becase there is a long time for me to live since i know i will be with THE LORD. Pretending I am 17 helps me not to lose hope, because I am again without a car or a job. Due to my time working as a homeless missionary coming to a close. I lost my car in that time & I had some difficult struggles. 

But I had priceless times with people, just having random conversations. I learned to value people and experience over things. 

The most important thing to me is my relationship with YESHUA (JESUS CHRIST), but I am spending more time talking to others. I talk to people on FACEBOOK and am regaining my conversational skills. It is really valuable to be able to talk to and relate to others. Every relationship is built slowly over a long course of time. I wouldn't say I am the best at conversing with people right now, but I had a really good conversation today with a woman I call my step-mom. It was good to be able to share my feelings with someone and vent about some people in my life who pretend to be amazing believers, but they show their face about some things. 

It was good to talk to her. I think sharing feelings is really important. 

I am working on getting my life together a little bit at a time. I missed most of my kids childhood, but I know that with GOD all things are possible & we will have eternity to be together. So it gives me hope because GOD promised me that we will be able to spend time together in FRANCE> 

I am the LORD'S FAITHFUL WIFE forever-y. As I said, I have endured a lot of spiritual warfare & it altered how my brain functions. In a lot of ways, i am more pure and holy. I am a lot more simple than i ever have been before. 

I am not sure exactly "why" but i now hear CHRIST talking to me all the time in my brain. He talks  about issues that happened to me before I was born. I had a life before my life on Earth - - - i don't want to talk about it but I do know it was a great controversy in HEAVEN - - i was un-naturally given demonic experiences and the devil wanted to possess me completely because I watched the EXORCIST. 

 This is my reality - - - I was told what goes in must come out - - - But so many other people watched that movie and they didn't face the same things that I did. I want a recount on my life sometimes. 

There is so much spiritually wrong with my life, but i keep plugging forward each day.  

Because i know 1 Baby-step at a time my life changed and I can change it again. This time it is for keeps. 

You have the opportunity to show what matters to you in life by the way you spend your time. I like people & come alive when i converse with them. God (my boyfriend/husband) is also important to me. 

Have you thought about what is important to you? You can see what is important to you by how you spend your time.

I admit - - - right now my BIG problem is lack of money, but I cannot use that as an excuse I have got to think positive and do the best that I can do each day. 

So I am getting out my pen and paper and writing down some things I can do to improve my situation. Making a list is a good way to make progress. 

My blog is going to be about getting my life back together using YOUTUBE and books I get from THE LIBRARY. I am also using FAITH IN GOD, prayer and things that life brings to me. 

Are you down and out? This BLOG is my love letter to GOD and to mankind. HOPE IS OUT THERE - - HIS NAME IS CHRIST. NEVER LOSE HOPE. HE can work mighty miracles, but sometimes miracles take a long time because it is a change within ourselves. Slowly and surely I am changing into the person I will be forever. 

A wife to THE LORD, so I know my struggle is worth it. No matter where you are you can take a moment and enjoy this lovely piano music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpZVZ3IGny4

You can share a moment with GOD, my truest friend. You can write down some things you would like HIM to know about you then you can realize HE DIED for you. HE lost HIS LIFE to gain yours. HE didn't just die in one day, but HE spent HIS entire life pursuing ONE GOAL - - a destiny that HE would have to die on the cross. 

I die a little each day too. . . but I am thankful that you are reading my blog. You matter - - - Today i wrote my stepmom a thank you letter on a stupid notecard. And i didn't even use all my effort, but it touched her heart and brought us closer together. So your efforts matter - - you could call someone up and say you are sorry, you could invite someone over for dinner, you could make a PRAISE THE LORD list of things you are thankful for - - - HE GAVE UP HIS LIFE ON THIS PLANET FOR YOU, beloved. 

And i hope that you will trust HIS process of making you more like HIMSELF.

Well. . . . thanks for reading 

Many Blessings,

Jordan